Finally, I awake!
I knew my mistake and my bad temper screw up everything included my life, career, financial, and relationship. Is time to correct back all the mistake and improve me.
I know everything is different and change since the last happen. Is sad and down BUT I know I shall grow up and to be mature. I need to step out from my comfortable zone and try to learn new thing in the different industry. Actually I can’t accept the fact what the happen on me and I feel to escape everything to continue to stay in my dream.
I get sick to start from Tuesday until now. Why I get sick? Because I cry, I feel sad to cry because I thinking I can’t stay with “someone” and I very miss him..
These few day my body very suffer, headache, sore throat, no energy.. I started to review myself is it too over emo, my body gave signal to me telling me is time to stop sadness and move on everything.
I think is time to plan my future~ I hope my rubber stamp can explore more and get attention from public~
Actually I knew that I am stupid person… Is me made the decision want to stay and waiting the chance even the chance is -100%…
I so sadness on this… I just want simple life and together with “someone” only, I don’t care poor, I don’t mind no everything.. I can accompany him to fight everything back… I just want him only.. But unfortunately is I not qualification to get everything..
I keep thinking he will find me ? he will do something for me? NO, he won’t do that, he will not do for me because i just nobody for him.. I very sad to keep crying until I headache… Why he treat me like this??
I have disconnect everything, I force myself stop to find him, I tell myself he won’t care me he will not do something for me… He can’t do anything… I’ve thinking he will sad? Yes, He will but he won’t find me and do a thing for me.. He rather to hurt me…
My heart suffering, my heart telling me don’t do that because I be not willing leave him.. He is my dream man, 1st time my heart telling me I must hold him dont give up.. Unfortunately, timing is wrong.. I not reconciled to have this ending, I want fight it.. But how i fight also useless, I am nobody… He won’t care me who i am.. I think he not really cherish my love and my heart, just i am idoit to cherish his love..
I pray to god, please let me go.. I don’t want stay in world, I don’t want cry for him, I don’t want hurt feeling.. Sadness, suffering, hurt also the feeling is bad … I hope I can meet death and make a deal, exchange my live to dead.. my live give to who people need it to continue stay…
我多么希望可以跟死神会面跟死神做交易，用我所有的性命去换死。。把我生命 quota 让给有需要的人，而我就可以死。。死了就不用伤心。。